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Thursday, August 23, 2012

Moments of Abundant Grace


Learning to find abundant grace in the reality of every day life... 

There is grace in...

Letting go of the fear that I am going to miss something if I don’t reflect on every experience, read every book that sounds interesting, or have have a conversation with every person who has an interesting story.

Living in the tension of being called to a place where I can’t fool myself into thinking I am perfect or in control.

A full nights rest...

Laughing until you cry, or crying until you laugh...

Not being able to speak either English or Portuguese well and in the process coming up with phrases like “rabid goose chase”.

Laughing at your own “lost in translation moments”...

Conversations with Haley in both English and Portuguese, processing everything that we can and sharing in our confusion, frustration and joys.

Skype conversations from home to remind you of who you are and how much you are loved when you begin to doubt yourself.

People making an effort to understand you even when you know you don’t sound intelligent and aren’t speaking correctly.

Bus rides with time to decompress.

Getting off the bus a stop early to be able to walk and breathe in fresh air.

An unexpected lunch invitation with delicious food.

People not correcting your Portuguese, especially when you already know that you are speaking incorrectly.

People correcting your Portuguese (in love)...

A car ride home so you don’t have to wait for a bus.

Re-encountering old friends.

Giving up today and trying again tomorrow.

Realizing you don’t have to be perfect.

Realizing that efficiency obviously means something completely different to God. 

Knowing there is more time later.

Knowing the story isn’t over. 

Getting lost in music and dancing when no one is watching...in your underwear (don’t judge). 

A song, scripture, or a conversation that hits you to your very core, making you realize 
that you are not the first nor the last person to find yourself in this particular situation or 
feeling that certain way.

Realizing that our very ability to love and live and breathe is a gift. 

May we all be capable of finding the little moments of extraordinary grace in the ordinary moments of life...

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Spirit and Wine


"So do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery; but be filled with the Spirit, as you sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, singing and making melody to the Lord in your hearts, giving thanks to God the Father at all times and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ."- Ephesians 5:17-20

First of all, I just want to thank God for giving me such an easy text for my first sermon here. “Do not get drunk with wine for that is debauchery.” My first thought when I saw that text was: Perfect. Maybe I will preach on the gospel text. Let me make life easier on myself and just ignore that. Then I read the gospel text and everything that I thought I wanted to say had already been said by Pastora Blanches two weeks ago when she talked about the bread of life. Anything I could have said would have simply been repeating her words. So, I was stuck. Luckily I had a meeting with a very wise professor this week and when I told him about this text, he encouraged me to look at it in a different light and after I did, I realized that often times, scripture is much deeper and richer than we think at first glance. 

As we read last week in Ephesians, God calls us to be imitators of God. To walk and live in love. This week Paul continues to call the Ephesians to make the gospel a tangible reality in their lives, giving them specific instructions on things that were pertinent to their own community. He calls the Ephesians to be wise and make the most out of their time. Re-reading Paul’s words, he says “So do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery; but be filled with the Spirit.” When I first read this verse, I immediately wanted to make this into a question about morality. Should Christians get drunk on wine? Or as one friend of mine said “just wine? Great. I only drink beer.” Yet I realized that we lose so much when we simply make this into a question about abstaining from certain practices, for this is about much more than whether Christians should drink or not. It is a question about understanding what the will of God is- and that is that we should be filled with the Spirit of God. 

My question is then, what do we choose to fill ourselves with that is not the Spirit of God and why do we do that? For many of us it is a question of pleasure. We fill ourselves with that which makes us feel good. For some of us it is alcohol, for others food. Drugs, television, internet, facebook, sleep, etc. These things can make us feel better when we are having a bad day. They are distractions that provide temporary comfort or relief. As I have transitioned here to Brazil, I recognize that I too have things that make me feel comfortable, things that I turn to instead of God when I am having a bad day. Coffee, food, sleep, and I can even admit, Avenida Brasil. Sometimes after an entire day of speaking and thinking in a language that is not my own, a big plate of food, a novela and sleep are exactly what I need. And I don’t think God is telling us that these things are always necessarily bad for us. I think we can experience grace through simple joys in life. Alas, God knows that life without simple pleasures isn’t much of a life after all. But it is important to recognize why and how we turn to these things to fill us instead of turning to God to fill us up when we are down. Some times it is easy for us to turn to other things in life because we can control them. If I am having a bad day I can control how much cake I eat to make myself feel better. I can decide to drink a glass of wine to relax or just go to sleep and hope that tomorrow will be different, forgetting or avoiding the problems of today. When I fill myself with the Holy Spirit, however, sometimes the Spirit can be unpredictable and out of my control. And the truth is, I really like control. I like being able to decide what I am going to do and when. I like deciding how I am going to feel and react. I like to plan things and when I fill my life with distractions, at least I know what I will do. I have control over it. That is the difference though between filling ourselves with things that give us pleasure (be it wine, food, sleep, etc.) and filling ourselves with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit may not always bring us immediate pleasure, but the more we choose to fill ourselves with the Holy Spirit, the more joy we will begin to recognize in our lives independent of how much pleasure we feel on any given day. Joy is a state of being that is independent of our current mood, our current emotions. A friend of mine wrote me a note before I left saying, “May you be challenged beyond belief. Tired beyond taking another step. Discouraged beyond reach only so that you trust that you did your best to use yourself for what God is up to in this world. And remember that it won’t be easy because it is not supposed to be easy. Have FUN in the uneasiness.” In other words, may you find peace and joy because you are filled with the spirit, because you are actively participating in the work of God, and not simply because things are easy or pleasurable. 

So there are many reasons that we fill ourselves with things other than the Spirit of God, pleasure, control, etc. But another reason that I think we fill ourselves with things other than the Spirit of God is that by doing so life can remain simply about us. It is my life, and I want to feel better about myself, my situation. And the reality is, as soon as we start talking about worshipping and serving a God whose existence lies in three parts, we lose the right to make life only about us. Remaining rooted in God includes being rooted in the lives of others. Being filled with the Holy Spirit has two sides to it. The first side we see here in Ephesians. “Be filled with the holy spirit as you sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, singing and making melody to the Lord in your hearts, giving thanks to God the Father at all times and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Part of being filled with the holy spirit means finding joy regardless of our current level of comfort and pleasure. We should always give thanks to God for everything and at all times. It is indeed joyful to sing hymns and spiritual songs to God among ourselves. However, there comes a moment when being filled with the Spirit of God takes on another form and that is when the Spirit calls us outside of ourselves, calls us to leave the boundaries of our own comfort zones, maybe calls us outside the walls of our own homes or churches (even outside our own countries), and calls us into the messiness of the world. Calls us into the messiness of the lives of others. In fact, Paul says that we should be filled with the Holy Spirit as we sing psalms to the Lord. We must remember that not all psalms were songs of joy but also include songs of lament in times of distress or fear. Being filled with the Spirit does not simply encompass feeling good, but trusting in God’s presence with you even when (and perhaps especially when) things are tough. 

It is interesting that the word in Hebrew for Spirit is ruach, which also means breath or wind. It can mean that which initiates movement or that which keeps movement going.  The truth is, when we fill ourselves with the Spirit, not only are we encouraged and edified in and of ourselves, but we are called outside of our comfort zones to be and live and act in the world. The Spirit calls us to step out and also gives us the grace and the strength to keep moving beyond that which we thought we were capable of. We are called to take part in the life of the Triune God. Take part in what God is doing in the world through God’s spirit. In our gospel text for today, taken from John, Jesus tells the disciples, “Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood abide in me, and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever eats me will live because of me”. I think there is a strong connection here between the Ephesians text and the Gospel passage. Jesus talks about abiding in him by eating his flesh and drinking his blood. Those who fill themselves with Jesus will abide in him. They will live in him and he in them. Filling ourselves with Jesus means finding life in him. But Jesus makes another important connection. Not only does Jesus live and abide in the Father, he was sent by the Father. So there must be a connection between abiding in and being sent by. Later on in Chapter 22 of John, Jesus appears to the disciples after his resurrection and tells them “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit.” There is something about being filled with the Holy Spirit that involves being sent, moving, going, living, experiencing life with others, the good the bad and the ugly, taking part in the redemptive work that God is doing in the world. 

Jurgen Moltmann asks, “How is it that we feel the Spirit of God? Through the life we live.  We experience life being cured, redeemed, loved and lovable. We don't experience life just as a new spirituality of the heart of a new theology of the brain, but with all of our senses, as a new vitality in life. We feel and taste, hear and smell and see our life in God and God in our life.”  I would add that we also experience the Holy Spirit where we least expect it. In places that are uncomfortable. In places that are new. In the lives of others. In moving and breathing and living life together. In taking part of the work that God is doing in the world. In seeking God’s kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. In working for justice and peace, reconciliation and redemption. We experience life in the Spirit of God when we have the courage to move out of ourselves and our comfort zones, when we answer the call of God and allow ourselves to be sent. We experience the Spirit of God when we do things we never thought possible (like preaching in another language). And in the midst of all these things, we experience the presence, the peace, the comfort of a God who never leaves us. We experience a God who knows how to sustain us and fill us, both through the simple pleasures in life and when those simple pleasures are not close by. We experience a God who knows exactly what we need and when we need it. We experience a God who desires abundant life for us all. And may we always remain full of this God. Amen. 

Agora em Português...

Por isso, não sejais insensatos, mas entendei qual seja a vontade do Senhor. E não vos embriagueis com vinho, no qual há devassidão, mas enchei-vos do Espírito, falando entre vós em salmos, hinos, e cânticos espirituais, cantando e salmodiando ao Senhor no vosso coração, sempre dando graças por tudo a Deus, o Pai, em nome de nosso Senhor Jesus Cristo."- Efésios 5:17-20



Bom, primeiramente, quero agradecer a Deus por ter me dado um texto tão fácil para a minha primeira pregação aqui. "Não vos embriagueis com vinho, em que é devassidão." Meu primeiro pensamento quando vi o texto. Perfeito. Talvez eu possa pregar sobre o evangelho. Deixa eu facilitar a minha vida um pouco. Seria mais fácil simplesmente ignorar isso. Então eu li o texto do evangelho e tudo o que eu pensei em dizer já tinha sido dito pela Pastora Blanches duas semanas atrás. Qualquer coisa que eu dissesse sobre o pão da vida teria sido simplesmente a repetição de suas palavras. Então, parecia que estava sem alternativa. Felizmente eu tive um encontro com um sábio professor esta semana e quando eu falei pra ele do meu problema com este texto, ele me incentivou a olhar para ele com uma luz diferente e depois que eu fiz isso, percebi que muitas vezes a bíblia é muito mais profunda e mais rica do que nós pensamos à primeira vista.

Como lemos na semana passada em Efésios, Deus nos chama para sermos imitadores de Deus. Nos chama a andar e viver no amor. Esta semana, Paulo continua chamando aos Efésios a tornar o evangelho uma realidade tangível nas suas vidas, dando-lhes instruções específicas sobre as coisas que eram pertinentes a sua própria comunidade. Ele pede que eles sejam sábios e usar bem cada oportunidade. Re-lendo as palavras dele, ele diz: "Portanto, não sejais insensatos, mas procurai compreender qual a vontade do Senhor. Não vos embriagueis com vinho, em que é devassidão, mas enchei-vos do Espírito." Quando li este versículo pela primeira vez, eu imediatamente quis tornar isto numa questão moral. Os cristãos/cristãs devem ou não devem beber vinho? Ou como um amigo meu disse "só vinho? Ta bom, então. Eu só bebo cerveja.” 

Mas eu percebi que perdemos muito quando transformamos isso simplesmente numa questão sobre a abstenção de certas práticas, pois esse texto vai muito além da questão se os cristãos e cristãs devem beber ou não. É uma questão sobre a compreensão de qual é a vontade de Deus. E a vontade de Deus é que nós sejamos cheios do Espírito de Deus. A minha pergunta é, então, o que é que escolhemos para encher-nos que não é o Espírito de Deus e por que fazemos isso? Para muitos, é uma questão de prazer. Nós enchemo-nos com aquilo que nos faz sentir bem. Para algumas pessoas é o álcool, para outras, a comida. Drogas, televisão, internet, facebook, ate dormir mesmo. Essas coisas podem nos fazer sentir melhor quando estamos tendo um dia ruim. Eles são distrações que proporcionam conforto temporário ou alívio. 

Essas últimas semanas que estou aqui fazendo a minha transição para o Brasil, eu reconheço que tenho coisas que me fazem sentir muito confortável, coisas que eu uso em vez de buscar a Deus quando eu estou tendo um dia ruim. Alimentos, café, sono, e eu até posso admitir, Avenida Brasil. Às vezes, após um dia inteiro falando e pensando numa língua que não é a minha, um grande prato de comida, uma novela e dormir são exatamente o que eu preciso. E eu não acho que Deus está nos dizendo que essas coisas são necessariamente ruins para nós. Acho que podemos experimentar a graça de Deus através das simples alegrias na vida. Ai, Deus sabe que a vida sem os prazeres simples não tem graça. Mas é importante reconhecer como, e por que voltamos a estas coisas para encher-nos em vez de recorrer a Deus para nos enchermos quando estamos desanimados. Algumas vezes é fácil para nós voltarmos a outras coisas na vida porque podemos controlá-las. Se eu estou tendo um dia ruim, eu posso controlar a quantidade de bolo que eu como para me fazer sentir melhor. Eu posso decidir beber um copo de vinho para relaxar ou apenas dormir e esperar que amanhã seja diferente, esquecendo ou evitando os problemas de hoje. Mas, quando eu me encho com o Espírito Santo, às vezes, o Espírito pode ser imprevisível e fora do meu controle. E a verdade é que eu realmente gosto de ter controle. Eu gosto de ser capaz de decidir o que vou fazer e quando. Eu gosto de decidir como vou sentir e reagir. Eu gosto de planejar as coisas e quando eu preencho minha vida com distrações, pelo menos eu sei o que vou fazer. Eu tenho controle sobre minha vida. Essa é a diferença entre o preenchimento das nossas vidas com coisas que nos dão prazer (sejam elas vinho, comida, sono, e tal) e enchendo-nos com o Espírito Santo. O Espírito Santo nem sempre nos traz prazer imediato, mas quanto mais nós escolhemos preencher-nos com o Espírito Santo, mais alegria vamos começar a reconhecer em nossas vidas independente da quantidade de prazer que sentimos em um determinado dia. A alegria é uma coisa independente do nosso estado de espírito atual, das nossas emoções atuais. Uma amiga minha me escreveu uma carta antes que eu deixasse os EUA dizendo: "Que você seja desafiada além daquilo que acha ser possível. Cansada além de dar mais um passo. Desanimada além do seu alcance... só para que você confie que você fez o seu melhor, para ser usada naquilo que Deus esta fazendo neste mundo. E lembrar-se que não será fácil porque não deve ser fácil. Divirta-se no meio das dificuldades." Em outras palavras, é possível sim encontrar paz e alegria, porque você está cheio do Espírito, porque você está participando ativamente na obra de Deus, e não simplesmente porque as coisas são fáceis ou agradáveis.

Então, há varias razões pelas quais nós nos enchemos com outras coisas que não sejam o Espírito de Deus, o controle, prazer, e tal, mas outra razão que eu acho que nós nos enchemos com outras coisas é que fazendo isso a vida pode permanecer simplesmente voltada para nós. É minha vida, e eu quero sentir melhor comigo mesmo, com a minha situação. E a realidade é, assim que nós começamos a falar sobre adorar e servir um Deus cuja existência encontra-se em três partes, a Trindade, perdemos o direito de ter a vida só para nós mesmos. Permanecer em Deus inclui estar na vida com os outros. 

Ser cheio do Espírito Santo tem dois lados. O primeiro lado, vemos aqui em Efésios. "mas enchei-vos do Espírito, falando entre vós em salmos, hinos, e cânticos espirituais, cantando e salmodiando ao Senhor no vosso coração, sempre dando graças por tudo a Deus, o Pai, em nome de nosso Senhor Jesus Cristo." Parte de ser cheio do Espírito Santo significa encontrar alegria independentemente do nosso nível de conforto e prazer atual. Devemos sempre dar graças a Deus por tudo e em todos momentos. Na verdade, é uma alegria cantar hinos e cânticos espirituais de Deus entre nós. No entanto, chega um momento em que ser cheio do Espírito de Deus toma uma outra forma. Quando o Espírito nos chama fora de nós mesmos, nos convida a deixar as fronteiras de nossas zonas de conforto, talvez nos chama fora dos muros da nossa própria casa, igreja, e até mesmo fora de nosso país de e nos chama para a desordem do mundo. Nos chama a desordem da vida dos outros. 

De fato, Paulo diz que devemos ser cheios do Espírito Santo enquanto nós cantamos salmos ao Senhor. Devemos lembrar que nem todos os salmos eram cânticos de alegria, mas também incluem canções de lamento em tempos de angústia ou medo. Ser cheio do Espírito não se limita a se sentir bem, mas confiar na presença de Deus com você, mesmo quando (e talvez especialmente quando) as coisas estão difíceis.

É interessante que a palavra em hebraico para Espírito é ruach, que também significa ar ou vento. Essa palavra pode significar aquilo que inicia o movimento ou aquilo que mantém o movimento. A verdade é que quando nós nos enchemos com o Espírito, não só somos encorajados e edificados, mas somos chamados para fora de nossas zonas de conforto para ser e viver e agir no mundo. O Espírito nos chama para sair de nós e também nos dá a graça e a força para continuarmos a se mover além do que pensávamos que éramos capazes. Somos chamados a participar na vida do Deus Trino. Fazer parte do que Deus está fazendo no mundo através do Espírito de Deus. Em nosso texto do evangelho de hoje, no evangelho de João, Jesus diz aos discípulos: "Quem come a minha carne e bebe o meu sangue permanece em mim e eu neles. Assim como o Pai que me enviou vive, e eu vivo pelo Pai, assim aquele que me come viverá por mim." Acho que há uma forte conexão entre o texto de Efésios e o trecho do Evangelho. Jesus fala sobre permanecer nele por comer sua carne e beber seu sangue. Aqueles que se enchem de Jesus vão permanecer nele. Eles viverão nele, e Jesus viverá neles. Encher-nos com Jesus significa encontrar a vida nele. Mas Jesus faz uma outra ligação importante. Jesus não só vive e habita no Pai, ele foi enviado pelo Pai. Portanto, deve haver uma conexão entre permanecer e ser enviado. Mais tarde, no capítulo 22 de João, Jesus aparece aos discípulos depois da ressurreição e diz "A paz esteja com você. Como o Pai me enviou, também eu vos envio." Quando ele tinha dito isso, assoprou sobre eles e disse-lhes:" Recebei o Espírito Santo.” 

Existe um elemento de estar cheio do Espírito Santo, que envolve a ser enviada, em movimento, indo, vivendo, experimentando a vida com os outros, o bom, o mau e o feio, tomando parte na obra redentora que Deus está fazendo no mundo. Jurgen Moltmann pergunta: "Como é que sentimos o Espírito de Deus?... Por meio de nossa vida vivida. Nós experimentamos a vida curada e redimida, amada e amável. Não experimentamos a vida apenas como uma nova espiritualidade do coração ou nova teologia da cabeça, mas com todos os nossos sentidos, como uma nova vitalidade da vida. Nós sentimos e degustamos, ouvimos e cheiramos e vemos nossa vida em Deus e Deus em nossa vida." Gostaria de adicionar que também experimentamos o Espírito Santo onde menos esperamos. Em lugares que são desconfortáveis. Em lugares que são novos. Nas vidas dos outros. Em mover e respirar e viver a vida juntos. Ao tomar parte do trabalho que Deus está fazendo no mundo. Ao buscar o reino de Deus na terra como no céu. Ao trabalhar pela justiça e pela paz, pela reconciliação e redenção. Nós experimentamos a vida no Espírito de Deus, quando temos a coragem de sair de nós mesmos e nossas zonas de conforto, quando respondemos ao chamado de Deus e deixamos que ele nos envie. Nós experimentamos o Espírito de Deus, quando fazemos coisas que nunca imaginamos ser possível. E no meio de todas estas coisas, nós experimentamos a presença, a paz, o conforto de um Deus que nunca nos desampara. Nós experimentamos um Deus que sabe sustentar-nos e encher-nos, tanto através dos simples prazeres da vida quanto nos momentos em que esses prazeres simples não estão por perto. Nós experimentamos um Deus que sabe exatamente o que precisamos e quando precisamos. Nós experimentamos um Deus que deseja a vida abundante para todos nós. Que possamos ser sempre cheios e cheias desse Deus. Amém.


Friday, August 17, 2012

When to Speak and When to Listen...


Silence is a hard thing for many of us to deal with. Silence can make us feel awkward and uncomfortable and is sometimes necessary for us to process and be alone with ourselves without the justification of words. There is a difference however when you choose to be silent for reflective purposes, and when you are forced into silence. Between preferring to process internally and not being able to communicate or express yourself openly. It is the difference between having a voice and choosing not to use it and having your voice taken away from you. Being told that your voice doesn’t matter or belong at the table. Every day I face many difficulties here that come with not being able to express myself to the extent that I wish I could. I often want to shout “I swear, I am way more intelligent than I seem!” As someone recently put it to me, “The limits of language are the limits of our very selves. It seems as if we are less, smaller, like we become children. That’s so hard.” 

Struggling with finding my voice and expressing myself here has caused me to reflect over who exactly is given a voice. Who are the voices we listen to and value? Who do we silence? Who do we convince that it is better for them to listen to us because our ways are better or right instead of asking them about their experience or tradition? (Let’s not even get into the whole effect of colonizer/colonized which would be a whole other discussion and is extremely prevalent in almost every conversation I have had here.) Who do we allow to participate in the conversation, sit at the table, and who do we tell that they don’t deserve a voice because of their beliefs, skin color, age, sexual orientation, level of formal education, etc.? 

I recognize that my country (as a whole) has been doing a lot of talking for a long time. We always get to have a voice, so maybe it is a good lesson for me to step out of my power system and be forced to listen before I speak. Be forced to ask questions and not assume that my way is the right way. Me losing my voice (even though it is by choice and only for a short amount of time) is, in fact, a good thing for me in a way. But it is still frustrating and difficult. And it makes me realize the ways we oppress people by not giving them a voice. By speaking for them. We limit one’s potential, their very being as a child of God when we tell them their voice doesn’t matter. And worse yet, by taking away their voices, they begin to internalize this oppression by believing that it is better to stay quiet because what they have to say wouldn’t matter anyway. By taking away their voices we tell them that who they are isn’t enough, and if enough voices tell you that, it is a huge struggle to be able to free yourself to think differently. 

That being said, I realize that oppression is a complex and multi-faceted thing. As a United States citizen living in a colonized country, it may do me good to listen more. However, I am more than just an “estadunidense”. I am also a (white) woman. Yesterday I went to a taping of a show for a TV program of a local artist that uses hip-hop to speak out against the injustices perpetuated against the Afro-Brazilian population here in Brazil. As I looked around and found myself as the only white United States American female in an audience full of Afro-Brazilians, I faced the reality head on of the messages of beauty that women (and men) in this community have received for years. I felt like the poster child for the standard of beauty to which these women have been compared their entire lives: Smooth hair, fair/delicate skin, light eyes, etc. One of the lines of the songs asked “when are we going to stop looking at dark eyes with suspicion?” I felt like saying, “when the media stops telling you that my blue eyes are the only definition of beauty.” 

It was an interesting dichotomy as I felt the tension between a part of me encompassing a stereotype of beauty here (and actually being a bit exotic) and realizing that as a white female in the US, I also face a whole different set of standards which tell me as a woman I am not good enough: I am too white (I could use some color on my pasty legs) I am not thin enough, my skin isn’t flawless, my hair could be a bit fuller, etc. etc. Living into and experiencing this tension makes me realize that oppression takes many different forms, especially for women. To say that my experience as a woman is the same as that of an Afro-Brasilian woman just because we both have ovaries is ridiculous (which is why we don’t need feminist theology but theologies.) We each receive different messages from society that oppress us and experience our own varying ways in which we oppress ourselves. The context may be different, the specific messages may be different and even the actual result may be different for each one of us, but we are each left in a position where we have to fight daily to find our voice, value our voice, dare to use it to speak out against the multitude of voices which tell us that we aren’t good enough, that we should be something else, that we need to be “perfect” to find value and love, or that buying one more product, pill, treatment or system will cause us to finally be “enough”. It is a struggle that continues daily, or as they say here “A luta continua”. And I am grateful that I have met so many “guerreiras” along the way that give me the courage to both listen with humility and speak with power.



Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Perfectly Imperfect


Amazing. Exquisite. Magnificent. These are just some of the words that come to mind when I think of the athletic ability that I have seen portrayed in the past few weeks at the olympics. Every time I watch the incredible feats they accomplish with their bodies I immediately feel the urge to go to the gym (or at least go to the gym tomorrow). These are the moments in our lives where we recognize greatness for what it is and rightly so. However, I often wonder whether in the midst of admiring what we consider “the best” in others we don’t end up idolizing or idealizing the reality of others which was never meant to be our reality. I have grown up hearing the cliche Christian sayings about perfection (“God doesn’t call the equipped, but equips the called.” “I can do all things through God who strengthens me.” “God’s power is made perfect in our weakness.” etc. etc.) but yet I still feel like we are paying lip service to the extent to which God actually calls us to use our weakness, brokenness and inability to take part in the redeeming and beautiful work that is going on in the world. My perfectionist way of seeing the world tells me that the best person for the job should do the job. But once again, a gospel that says the last shall be first and the first shall be last, surprises us yet again by saying maybe it isn’t the most qualified person who is actually most qualified. Maybe it isn’t the most educated theologian who brings the deepest insights about God. Maybe it isn’t the smartest student who really gets it. Maybe it isn’t the person with years of experience who is being called to lead. 

As I continue to discern and process my time here in Brazil, I realize that much of my discernment comes from whether I feel competent or not. As I begin to ask questions of the future (which in and of itself is a sign that I need to allow myself to remain more in the present) and whether I feel a larger call to live and work here, I realize my answer changes day by day based on how “good” I am doing. How “good” is my portuguese today? How “well” am I navigating a different culture? How “good” am I at understanding things? How “good” am I at picking things up immediately and learning quickly? When I look at other people here who are clearly better than me at pretty much everything (and trust me it doesn’t take long to find them- they are everywhere) I think to myself- “I really should let someone else do this who is better than I am.” And sometimes that thought comforts me and sometimes it frustrates me and sometimes it scares me. Because the truth is, I know God has called me to this time and place. God has called me not because of my skills or perfection (that would be way too easy and comfortable) but specifically has called me to live into the uneasiness of a gospel which honors imperfection as much as the world honors and idolizes perfection. God calls us to use our wounds, and not necessarily our strengths, to become healers in this world. God calls us to use our whole self, perhaps even the most vulnerable parts, to participate in what God is up to in the world. I am reminded of an Anne Lamott quote, 

"Your problem is how you are going to spend this one and precious life you have been issued. Whether you're going to spend it trying to look good and creating the illusion that you have power over circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it, and find out the truth about who you are.”

What is the truth about who we are? That we aren’t perfect. That we all have wounds. Deep wounds. And God is calling each one of us to be wounded healers of the world. The truth about who we are is that God’s call on our lives has less to do with us and more to do with God’s own imagination for the world and what is possible. The truth is God finds beauty in brokenness. I don’t know how exactly it works. I don’t know why my wounds and imperfections and uncomfortable places are the places where God seems to use me the most. I don’t know why God calls us to live into our imperfections and seems to call the most unqualified and unlikely of people. But I do know that it is the same God that tells us that the last shall be first, the poor will be blessed, the story isn’t over yet, things are not always as they seem, death leads to life and that God’s presence will never leave us. May this same God give us the courage to stop trying to look good and start living, tasting, and enjoying our place as perfectly imperfect characters in God’s story.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Don't Be Afraid...


It never ceases to amaze me how often in scripture an encounter with God begins with these words. “Don’t be afraid”. Even in very first chapters of Genesis, Adam’s first reaction when he hears God walking in the garden and he knows he is naked is fear. And yet God extends him grace and allows him to take off his itchy fig leaves. One of my favorite verses of all time is Isaiah 43:1 “But now, this is what the Lord says, he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” Herein lies the motivation for not being afraid. Knowing who we are and more importantly whose we are. Because we have been formed and created and called by a God that knows us intimately and deeply, we need not be afraid. However I must confess that (as often is the case) I have heard these words so often that they have started to become ordinary for me. I seem to skim over them realizing that after having seen them so often, they have lost their meaning to me. What I realize is that they have unfortunately come to mean something else to me, “Don’t put yourself in situations that scare you.” Now obviously fear can be a rational and healthy thing to have. I am afraid of jumping out of a perfectly good airplane without a parachute. This is a good fear to have if I value my life. However, I realize I take God’s advice a little too far sometimes. 

I was once told that there are two types of risk takers- physical risk takers (skydivers, NASCAR drivers, bungee jumpers, etc.- obviously NOT my idea of fun) and there are emotional risk takers (move half way around the world to a country where you don’t speak the language- sign me up!) I think it is this second group of risk takers that need to hear the words “don’t be afraid”. What would it look like to actively practice not being afraid by in fact “doing something that scares you every day” (okay, maybe once a week is more like it). Eleanor Roosevelt’s words may seem nice as an inspirational quote left on facebook, but in the reality of facing your fears head on, it is a much different story. Yet I think that like anything else in life, “not being afraid” is something that is learned through practice and training of seeking God's presence in the midst of situations that do in fact scare the hell out of us at times. In my first few weeks here in Brazil I have had to repeat these words to myself often. As with any new beginning you often face newness with fear and trepidation: “Did I get myself in over my head? Can I really do this?” But yet those questions, those moments of fear and uncertainty are the very intersection of the reality of God’s grace with our own weakness. It is the place where the proverbial rubber of God’s grace hits the road and we step out of our comfort zone to understand the tangible presence and reality of grace in a way that has escaped us before. God’s grace has been real to me in many ways in the past two weeks that it has never been before. And much of that is because I am in an environment where I cannot depend on myself. I can’t fool myself into thinking I have control over life like I can in the states. I don’t have the ability to decide to not do something that scares me. I come face to face with the reality every day that my existence, every move and breath I make is because of the grace of God. 

I also realize however, that the words “do not be afraid” take on completely different meaning when looked at through various lenses of class, power, gender, etc. Fear is after all, a relative thing that is shaped by our context. As someone who is a middle class, white, female, United States citizen, etc. I (generally) have the option of facing my fears or not. However facing fear on a daily basis is not an option for many people (especially women who continue to occupy more and more space within the term “poorest of the poor”.) Fear of not getting enough (or anything) to eat. Fear of quenching your thirst with water that may or may not carry diseases. Fear of violence. Fear of abuse. Fear of not getting proper health care for your child. Fear of accepting and acknowledging your full identity. 

A friend recently reminded me that abundant life is found in the struggle. “A luta continua”- the struggle continues. And I think sometimes those of us in privilege need to be reminded of this. That we must take steps out of our comfort zones, our of our places of security, where nothing scares us. That the choice to even face our fears is in and of itself a privilege. We must take steps to engage in the struggle. Take an emotional risk of investing in someone that is different than you. Take the risk of getting involved in the mess of someone else’s life. Take the risk of engaging with someone in their native tongue, especially if it isn’t yours. Take the risk of feeling inadequate or uncomfortable, especially if it is a sign of hospitality for others. Take the risk of getting yourself, your church, your community, out of your comfort zone, whatever that may be, and risk feeling a little bit of that fear. Because it is only when you feel a little bit of that fear, that you encounter God’s grace in new and real ways. It is a choice for those of us with privilege. And I hope it is a choice that both the church and those of us Christians who are privileged begin to make. Maybe it is in fact when you step out of your comfort zone and allow yourself to enter into the struggle that you will encounter a glimpse of the abundant life that Jesus wants for us all. And maybe that is the scariest part.  

Don’t be afraid.