Let it Be…Present

I hate waiting. Patience has never been one of my strengths, and I would be willing to bet that quite a few people are in this boat with me. And (un)fortunately for me, we have just entered a whole season in the Christian calendar that is all about waiting. Advent is here and we now spend the next four weeks waiting, anticipating,  and looking forward to Christmas.

And there is a part of me that wishes that Advent were just about waiting for Christmas; waiting 4 short weeks for a day to arrive that promises us presents, time with family and loads of food. And yet, this particular Advent season, I have been struck by the reality that this time of holy waiting is about so much more than merely waiting for Christmas, or even waiting for the birth of Jesus. It is about how each of us are called to actively prepare for the coming of the kingdom of God on earth, the birth of the kingdom of God in each of us. It is about recognizing the kingdom in our midst here and now by the presence of the Holy Spirit and how we are called by God to participate in mischievous, creative, and courageous ways to bring about glimpses of the bigger picture, the bigger story- God’s story. And unfortunately, there is no way this journey of waiting will be over by December 26^th.

I have come to discover that one of the hardest parts about waiting is being present to the now. Waiting typically makes us look to the moment of arrival when we will not be waiting any longer and in this day and age there are just about a million distractions to make waiting less agonizing and being present to the now almost impossible. As I rode home with my family after a movie on Thanksgiving, I was struck when I realized that every one of us (besides the driver) was actively engaged in some sort of phone, tablet, etc. It seems that even a 20-minute car ride home is now too long for us (all adults) to be present to each other without having something else to distract our minds and our thumbs.

So after several days of reflecting, I have decided to take up the spiritual practice of being present while I wait over the next few weeks of Advent. People typically give up something for Lent and not Advent but I really want to see what waiting looks like when I am being intentional about being present. For me this means a couple of things:

1.  Being Present to God- Cultivating silence and prayer time when driving (No music or cell phone use in the car). The cell phone part might be an obvious one to most, but don’t judge me. I still call people when in the car. And I don’t plan on following this on drives of more than 2 hours. That’s just torture.

2. Being Present to Myself- No mindless multitasking. I.e. no watching TV and surfing the internet/browsing facebook at the same time. Whatever I am doing, even if it is watching TV, or checking email, I will be fully present to it.

3.  Being Present to others- No mindless checking of phone/internet when in the presence of others (when possible, leaving phone off and put away at meals, during conversations, etc. even in group settings).

4.  Being present to food- No watching TV or being online while eating. Eat meals at the table and not on the couch or in bed. Be better about eating with people and being present to their company.

These are four things that I know will be a challenge for me. Maybe they would be for you as well and you might pick one to see how intentionally being present transforms your waiting period this advent season. Maybe there are other things that might help you to be present and if you can think of one or two I would challenge you to try them out for a few weeks. I realize not all these are practical for all people. Some people can’t turn their phone off whenever they wish. However, emergencies aside, I have never known anyone to lose a job or a significant relationship because it took them 20 minutes to return a phone call. 

So in this season of anticipation, let’s practice actively waiting by being present- to ourselves, to God and to others.  I have a hunch that God just might have some things to say to us, just as Gabriel did to Mary all those years ago, announcing the coming of the kingdom in our own lives and stories. And may our response be the same as hers, “Let it be to me according to your word, Lord.” Yes, God. Let it be. Let us be….present.

Congratulations Disney- Why every little girl (and skeptical feminist) should see Frozen

So I must admit it has been a while since I have seen a Disney movie. Animated movies are not typically my first cinema selection (its rare that I even go to the movies with ticket prices as high as they are these todays) but during the Holidays we always go see a movie as a family and yesterday the best option seemed to be Frozen (we saw the Hunger Games on Tuesday and I could write a whole other post about why everyone should go see the 2^nd movie, get over the brutality of the games themselves and see them for what they are- a rich insight into themes of oppression, liberation, redemption and hope… but that’s for another day.)

So we go to the theater and I am already on the defense with my typical cynicism about the way women are portrayed in fairy tales (to their defense, like I said, I haven’t seen a Disney movie in a while and I hear they are working on some of their newer films to debunk these stereotypes- I need to see Brave). So I was already on the lookout from the start for a reason to critique the way they depict women, and they almost caught me when Anna, the main character falls in love with her “Prince Charming” and decides to get married after knowing him only a few short hours (and all within the first 15 minutes of the movie). I actually turned to my mother and said snarkily, “well so much for debunking the fairy tale myths of love at first sight.” But after finishing the movie I must admit I stand completely corrected and here is why:

1. Without giving too much of the plot away, the movie depicts the tale of two sisters, Anna and Elsa. Elsa has a rare power in her ability to turn everything she wishes into ice. Scared of her own inner power and inability to control it, (her parents tell her to fear it all costs and keep it covered up) Elsa literally locks herself in her room and shuts out all forms of love because she believes she only is capable of causing harm to people. She doesn’t want anyone to find out about her dark secret, and it ends up isolating her from all those who love her, especially her sister. How many times are women told to fear their inner power? To hide that which makes them strong and beautiful? How many women who are different are told to seek to be normal (whatever that even means)? And how many of us literally lock ourselves away in castles of ice constructed around our own hearts out of a fear of hurting others or being hurt? Believing that we are better off alone because at least then we don’t have to risk being seen for who we really are. It is easier to believe the lies that we have been told about ourselves our whole lives than to find freedom in being who we were truly created to be, with all our powers and faults and failures and strengths. It is easier to live the life that everyone else wants us to live because it is safer and easily fits other people’s ideas of what it means to be normal (and heaven forbid we question society’s definition of normal). Obviously the whole movie is about what happens when someone is brave enough to see through those castles of ice and risk loving someone enough to go after her and love her back to life.

2. So of course, who would this person be to risk loving the ice queen and “save” her from herself? What will be the happy ending for this young woman? Well, a prince of course! WRONG. It is her sister! It isn’t a man that goes running after her. It is her sister. And she is brave and strong and stops at nothing to bring her sister back to life and reach into the depth of the lies that Elsa has been told all her life about the coldness of her heart and her need to isolate herself and live in fear because of her inner powers. It is the love of a sister and not a man that saves the ice queen. 

3. Of course, it wouldn’t be a Disney movie without a little romance and it is definitely there between Anna and Kristoff, her partner who agrees to accompany her up the mountain in search of her sister. But the romance is never the central theme of the movie and for as many times as Kristoff helps Ana, Ana also saves him throughout their daring adventure. They are partners. And (spoiler alert!) it is not Kristoff’s kiss that saves the day in the end and makes Anna live happily ever after. I won’t go into details, but for once I was thrilled to see that a happy ending was much broader than just boy and girl finally get together. That being said, I was appreciative that they didn’t throw the baby out with the bathwater and that there was a little romance in there as well. They debunked the misled critiques of feminism that state that in order to be a feminist you must hate men or be single, that it is impossible to be a feminist and partnered with a man at the same time. It is possible to be a strong independent woman who has everything she already needs inside of herself and still find love. And it is possible (and probable) that this love is not the only thing paramount in a woman’s life, although it is important.

4. All right, this one has nothing to do with strong women or important issues surrounding vulnerability but seriously Olaf, the little snowman, stole the whole show and had me laughing hysterically the whole time.  He really does make the movie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yJrytUyagY

5. And finally- the soundtrack is amazing, particularly the song “Let it Go” performed for the soundtrack by Demi Lovato. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6T5_Hw9fIIs

Don't let them in,

don't let them see


Be the good girl you always have to be


Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know

Well now they know

Let it go, let it go


Can't hold it back anymore


Let it go, let it go


Turn my back and slam the door


And here I stand


And here I'll stay


Let it go, let it go


The cold never bothered me anyway

So thank you Disney. We still have a long way to go, but I appreciate you taking a step and giving me a movie that I will one day proudly show my daughter if I ever have one.

Olhando pra trás

É preciso uma grande dose de força para se recusar a responder

 qualquer questão de importância rapidamente. 

Muitas vezes, é melhor deixar a questão emergente 

responder a si mesma ao longo do tempo do que insistir 

em lidar com isso a partir de perspectivas velhas demais

 para ser uteis para a situação atual.

 - Joan Chittister.

Eu tenho pensado muito ultimamente sobre as transições da vida. Talvez porque os últimos cinco meses, bem como os próximos sete meses têm sido e serão uma grande transição para mim, cheia de perguntas sem respostas claras e várias possibilidades indefinidas diante de mim. Assim que eu sentir o alívio de uma questão ou outra se resolver (pelo bem ou pelo mal) eu viro para enfrentar todas as incertezas que ainda restam, reclamando-se de ser resolvidas e começa a ansiedade tudo de novo. Lembro-me das palavras sábias da minha terapeuta Josias, antes que eu fui embora do Brasil. Ele me aconselhou a não tomar decisões definitivas sobre a minha vida em períodos de transição, e que é sempre melhor deixar a poeira baixar em nossas vidas para que sejamos capazes de ver claramente o suficiente para fazer as escolhas certas.

Então,  eu nunca fui alguém de muita paciência, e acho que no meio da nossa cultura atormentado pelo “imediatismo” de ter tudo ao nosso alcance instantaneamente, nós esquecemos o benefício de ter que esperar. Em vez de cultivar a paciência na minha vida, a minha resposta quase imediata, quando bater com o medo do desconhecido é olhar para trás para encontrar conforto e respostas. Eu preferia voltar para aquilo que eu conheço do que enfrentar um futuro sem certeza. Quantas vezes nós duvidamos de nos mesmos quando as circunstâncias da vida não dão certo, apesar de sabermos que estamos exatamente onde precisamos estar, e imediatamente começamos a idealizar o passado e correr para trás para procurar as respostas que ansiamos em vez de esperar o futuro nos proporciona-las.

Somos criaturas de conforto, mesmo quando aquilo que é confortável não faz bem para nós. Ansiamos por aquilo que sabemos (e achamos que podemos controlar) em vez daquilo que não sabemos (e, portanto, não pode controlar). Só que vivendo no passado nunca trouxe crescimento nenhum para ninguém. Lembro-me dos Israelitas vagando pelo deserto e desejando voltar às cadeias de escravidão no Egito. Por quê? Porque eles sabiam o que estava lá e não sabiam o que estava na sua frente. E embora a maioria de nós não nos encontramos vagando por um deserto literal, somos iguais aos Israelitas. Encontramos alguma dificuldade na vida, ou chegamos à necessidade de assumir o risco de tentar algo novo, e nós nos encontramos pisando em terra desconhecida e insegura. Tentando achar o nosso equilíbrio para não cair, imediatamente sentimos o desejo de correr de volta para os nossos maus hábitos, relacionamentos mortos, e formas velhas de pensar, agir e ser.

Mas as palavras de Joan (e Josias) são bem sábias. Temos que aprender a paciência de esperar as nossas perguntas emergentes responderem a si mesmas e os nossos seres emergentes encontrarem o seu pé no chão firme de tempo e espaço. Precisamos aprender a esperar a poeira baixar para podermos encontrar nossas verdades, não em sentimentalismo, mas sim na verdade da graça e o amor de Deus, e a sua promessa constante da ressurreição, independente de quão arriscado pareça no momento. E se alguma coisa do seu passado está destinado a voltar para a sua vida, se aquele relacionamento ou oportunidade é para ser em algum tempo distante no futuro, você pode ter certeza que vai ser. E não será porque você estava vivendo no passado, tentando controlá-la ou segurá-la mas sim porque o seu caminho seguiu em frente e chegou em um outro momento e lugar onde você estará pronta para recebê-la com gratidão. Entretanto, Senhor, nos dê a graça e a coragem de esperar no face do desconhecido. 

E por favor, deixe a poeira baixar em breve...

Looking to the Past

It takes a great deal of strength to refuse to answer

 anything of importance too quickly.

 It is often better to let newly emerging question answer itself over time 

than to insist on dealing with it from perspectives

 too old to be useful to the present situation.

 – Joan Chittister.

I have been thinking a lot of about life’s transitions lately. Perhaps because the past 5 months as well as the next 7 months have been and will be one big transition for me filled with questions and various puzzle pieces lying before me which I can’t seem to put together yet. As soon as I feel the relief of one piece moving into (or out of) place I turn back around to face all the unknowns still lurking around and it can feel a little overwhelming at times. I remember before leaving Brazil, my therapist, Josias told me that we should always be cautious about deciding things in periods of transition and that it is always better to let the dust settle in our lives so that we are able to see clearly enough to make the right choices.

Well I have never been one with much patience, and I think in our culture plagued by the immediateness of having everything instantly at our fingertips we have forgotten the benefit of having to wait. I realize that instead of cultivating patience in my life, my immediate response, when faced with the fear of the unknown is to look to the past to find comfort as well as answers. Go back to what I know. How often do we second-guess ourselves, when one of life’s circumstances isn’t working out, even though we are fairly certain we are right where we need to be, and immediately begin to idealize the past and look for the answers there instead of patiently waiting for and living into them in the future.

We are creatures of comfort, even when what is comfortable is not good for us. We long for that which we know (which we think we can control) over that which we don’t know (and therefore can’t control). Except that no growth ever came from living in the past. I am reminded of the Israelites wandering in the desert and wishing for the return of their chains of bondage in Egypt. Why? Because they knew what was behind them and they didn’t know what lay ahead of them. And although most of us don’t find ourselves wandering in a literal desert, we are indeed the same. Something doesn’t work out or we take a risk to try something new, and we find ourselves standing on the shaky ground of the unknown and we feel that pull to immediately go back to our old habits, our old relationships, our old ways of thinking and being.

But there is much wisdom in the words of Joan (and Josias). We must learn the patience to wait for our newly emerging questions to answer themselves, and our newly emerging selves to find their footing on the solid ground of time and space. We must learn to wait it out until the dust settles and we can find our truths not in sappy sentimentality but in the truth of God’s grace and love and constant promise for resurrection, no matter how risky it may sound at the moment.  And if something from your past is meant to come back around, if that relationship or opportunity is meant to be in some distant time in the future, you can rest assured that it will be. And it will come back around not because you were moving backwards, holding onto it or controlling it, but because your winding path encounters it again when you are in a different place, ready to receive it with openness and gratitude. In the meantime, Lord give us the grace and the courage to wait in the face of the unknown. 

And please let the dust settle soon…