Saudade and the Spirit

"Jesus answered him, ‘Those who love me will keep my word, and my Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words; and the word that you hear is not mine, but is from the Father who sent me. ‘I have said these things to you while I am still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and remind you of all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid. You heard me say to you, “I am going away, and I am coming to you.” If you loved me, you would rejoice that I am going to the Father, because the Father is greater than I. And now I have told you this before it occurs, so that when it does occur, you may believe." 

-John 14:23-29 

Since the beginning of my time here in Santa Isabel, I have noticed the irony of the lectionary texts that always seem to fall on the weeks that I preach. The first time I preached here, in what was then a brand new community, and God gave me "do not get drunk on wine." The second time, I got: "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Imagine- the first month meeting a new community, being a foreigner, not knowing the context and I have to preach about alcohol and wealth. That’s pretty harsh. But today, I think the selection of texts could not be better. My last time preaching here in Santa Isabel (at least for now), is based on the last moments of Jesus with his disciples, predicting his departure and comforting them. Better yet, today we will also celebrate communion, remembering this specific time of Jesus with his disciples in our community. This moment of farewell that Jesus and the disciples go through has a lot to teach us about the arrivals and farewells of life- transitions, beginnings and endings of the chapters of our lives. I can tell you right now, I feel very comforted and strengthened by the words of Jesus as I face my upcoming farewell to the end of this chapter in my life.

So, let me paint the picture for us. Jesus has just washed the disciples' feet. He has predicted his betrayal and then gives a new commandment to his followers. John 13:34-35 says, "A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." These are the words that Jesus wants to leave with his community. In popular culture, we always hear stories of famous last words. The last words someone speaks to their loved ones before they die, and somehow we never forget them. In the movie Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Tom Hanks plays a father who dies in the attacks on September 11, and on that day his son, who is 10 years old, comes home early from school and hears 6 messages his father left on the answering machine at home. Throughout the film, we see this little boy hiding in his room listening to the last words of his father again and again, repeating the words, "I love you son. I'll be fine. I’ll be home soon." The scenes are very moving, seeing the process of grief that this little boy goes through and how the messages from his father console him. But it's true. We always seem to remember (or at least want to remember) the last words someone we love spoke to us before they died, for there is something very powerful in them. So it is no accident that Jesus chose precisely these words to leave with his disciples. It was as if these words were the most important of all the other words that he had already spoken to them. "If you forget everything else that I told you, remember this: Love each other. That's the most important thing. Do not forget. "

I wonder too, how the disciples must have felt at this moment. They were probably confused, scared, looking to an unknown future and not knowing what to expect, and most likely sad at the thought of their rabbi leaving. But Jesus knows.  He knows the future. He knows where he is going and so he tries to comfort the disciples as much as possible. And the consolation he gives them is the promise of the Holy Spirit. And what a wonderful promise this is. Jesus says, "These things I have said while I am still with you. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, shall teach you all things and remind you of everything that I have said unto you." When I think of all the disciples must have felt at that moment, I also think about all that I'm feeling right now in my last days here, and I think having the promise of receiving the Holy Spirit as a helper is exactly what I need. It is good to remember that promise. A friend recently said to me that we never forget that which we have saudade for. (Saudade has no good translation in English. It is a mix of longing, missing, homesickness, and feeling that an important part of yourself is absent.) And this makes perfect sense because if you have saudade, it's because you're remembering. So for me, the Holy Spirit is a cultivator of saudade. She comes and reminds us of all our stories, the places we've gone, and the amazing people who have taught us throughout our lives.  She reminds us of all the ways that we have grown, all the battles that we have conquered and the things that we have fought to achieve. And these memories serve as a means to give us the strength to face each new stage of our life. The Holy Spirit comes and brings to mind every moment of laughter and tears, every moment of love. Because in the end, you can only have saudade if you have loved, if you have opened up to let people in and become part of your life.

If the disciples had not lived life with Jesus and had not let their hearts be open to love, they would not have been sad. You have to open yourself to love in order to feel saudade. And for me, this year has been full of love. And I'm going to have saudade for many things. I will have saudade for the Sunday lunches at Milva’s house and her amazing cakes and puddings. I will have saudade for the conversations around the table and the opportunity to wash lettuce for Margarida’s salad. I'll have saudade for Mavi’s bear hugs at the end of worship. I'll have saudade for Amanda’s quiet smile. I will have saudade for Nina’s laughter. I will have saudade for listening to Roberto Carlos on the radio with Vilma on Sunday mornings. I'll have saudade for the company of good Corinthians fans  like Marco and Mavi. I will have saudade when I think of Felipe, Leonardo e João Vitor arriving late and the whole service stopping for them to give hugs and kisses all around. I will have saudade for my second father “Roberto Carlos” and the wonderful hospitality that we always receive at his and Isabel’s house, with her chicken and rice soup. I will have saudade for hearing Gikovate on the radio in the car back driving back to São Bernardo on Sunday nights after the service. I will have saudade for the bonfires and hammocks and worship services at Jose and Isabel’s house. I'll have saudade for Ousidias and Marli’s garden and the gastronomic adventures that I always seemed to experience there. I will have saudade for the way Blanches says hello to me "Talk to me, Ms. Emily! "And I will even have saudade for walking around March 25 street with Douglas in the rain looking for those damned clay pots for Margarida. No, actually, I'm lying. Sorry Douglas, I will definitely have saudade for you, but not for that day. Looking back over this year, there are thousands of memories that generate saudade in me. Every moment we spent together.  And I'm grateful for that, because as long as I have saudade, I won’t forget anything, and even being far away from you all, knowing that I can remember every moment we have lived together, even through saudade, makes me happy.

So, Jesus promises the coming of the Holy Spirit but he also leaves something else that is very important with the disciples. "I leave you peace, my peace I give to you. I do not give it to you as the world gives. Don’t let your heart be troubled or afraid." Jesus is wise. He knows how the disciples must be feeling. Each of us, when facing life transitions, endings, new beginnings, unknown futures, feels fear. I think it is part of the human condition. We feel comfortable with what we know (even when it’s not good for us) and we are afraid of what we do not know. But Jesus’s promise is that we can have peace. Not as the world gives it- with security and stability, with money- but with the Holy Spirit, with the very presence of God. The Holy Spirit is our reminder that the story is not over yet. It reminds us of all that we have lived and encourages us to look forward to all the stories that are yet to come.  It reminds us that there are still many pages to be lived, to be written. At the very moment when the disciples are thinking that it is all over, that Jesus is leaving and that it was all in vain, Jesus promises them that life continues. The struggle continues. In the words of Tchê, "vamos que vamos." There's still plenty of work to be done. I think all of us, regardless of where we are in our lives, need to hear this. I am facing a period of transition in my life right now, so these words of Jesus are of great comfort to me now. Maybe at this very moment you personally, or the church, are not facing an end or a transition, but you certainly have faced them, and will face many more in the future. It is an inevitable part of life. In the words of Cassia Eller, "Do you remember the time when we believed that everything lasted ‘always and forever’, not knowing that ‘always and forever’, always ends." Everything has to end, even life itself.  We have to see death to see resurrection. We have to say goodbye to some things in order to receive other things.  And in the midst of all of these endings and life transitions, we need to wake up every day with the hope that God's grace is renewed every morning and that we can live with love and peace.  God’s mercy is always waiting to give us a second chance, another opportunity to live with abundance.

I think it is also important as we receive the promise of the Holy Spirit, that we remember what it means to live a life in the Spirit. I talked about this the first time I preached here in relation to what it means to be filled with the Spirit. But I also want to finish with this because I think it's the most important thing we can be and do as the church. The Hebrew word for Spirit is ruah, which means something that starts movement or keeps movement going. So the Spirit of God is what motivates us, pushes us out of our comfort zones, and calls us out of ourselves to love our neighbors and the world. Jürgen Moltmann said, "Where we feel the Spirit of God, there we experience God. How? By means of our lived life. We experience life that is healed, redeemed, loved and loving. We feel, taste, smell and we see our lives in God and God in our lives. "And if we stop moving, if we stop acting in God’s story, we die. The Spirit of God keeps God’s story alive in the world through each seed that is planted. Every time we plant a seed of love, peace, reconciliation, justice, and equality, we are continuing and sharing life with the Spirit. And it doesn’t matter if it is inside or outside the Church- we are keeping the story of God in the world alive. And that is what you have done for me this year. You have given me a million reasons to have saudade because you have planted a million seeds of love in me. And I hope I have also done this for you. And even though I am leaving now, this is what we will continue to do, wherever we may be. And when saudade hits, and I know it will, I will remember. I will remember everything that you are doing here in Brazil to keep hope alive. I will remember all the seeds that you have planted that continue to bear fruits of abundant life. I thank God for having given me the opportunity to live part of my story with you all, for letting me live with saudade for you, and for giving me the hope that the story isn’t over yet. So let’s keep on living. Amen.